Everyone has a crazy uncle who they know has been watching the news every day since last Thanksgiving to stock up on controversial topics to bring up and divide the table just as everyone is taking their first bite of turkey. However, do not fear, you can take it upon yourself to combat this and make this Thanksgiving the first one where your family watches the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade together in peace. Here are a few super neutral topics to bring up at the dinner table that will not only shut up your crazy uncle, but also make you the star of Turkeytown (which is what I'm petitioning to rename Thanksgiving).
- The blister you got on your heel the first week of classes…
After sitting around on your lazy ass all summer, it took your feet awhile to get used to the grueling walk that it takes to get to any class on campus. Remember that blister you got right where your sock and shoe met on the back of your heel that took way too long to go away? Bring him up! Someone at the table is bound to know some remedy for blisters that you can bring back to school and share with your friends. Plus, who doesn’t love talking about feet while they’re trying to eat??!
- The best dogs you follow on social media…
Instagram, Vine, and Tumblr are flooded with all of the cutest dogs this world has to offer and now is your chance to let your family in on the gold. Of course your Aunt Tina will try to argue that her little Spot is cuter than any other dog in the world, but as soon as she sees marniethedog, she’s going to fall under the spell as well. Go ahead and pass your phone around the table as you pull up some of the most adorable pets known to man. Just be sure to divert the conversation back to the canines if anyone tries to start an iPhone vs. Android debate while they scroll through the feeds. (This conversation topic can work for cats too if your family happens to swing that way)
- That time you bumped into your ex on campus….
Your family loved Todd and they’re surely sad he’s not making an appearance at your family’s Thanksgiving again this year, so why not bring him into the conversation?! Just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean he has to be forgotten. Let them in on the time that you were walking through Dunn Meadow, minding your own business, and he accidentally shoulder checked you. They’ll all try to convince you that the love isn’t dead even though the two of you haven’t talked in a few months and you know from his Instagram that he’s talking to the girl who lived on the dorm floor above you your freshman year, but at least that’s better than talking about Donald Trump’s policies for three hours.
- The flop of Yeezy Season 2….
It as a disappointment for everyone, I’m sure even your Grandma Carol agrees. We all thought Kanye was going to pull something new out of the bag this New York Fashion week, but the same colors and styles made an appearance yet again. You and your cousin Brad can bond over your desire to own anything from the collection, no matter how much you claim to dislike it, and it’ll be great fun trying to explain to your Great Uncle Jim what a Kanye West is.
- How the “Goosebumps” movie wasn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be…
Yeah, it could have been more reminiscent of the 90s and the romantic subplot was so unnecessary, but did you see the special effects? How fun was it to see all of your favorite characters come to life on screen again? Even though it’s universally known that Jack Black only killed it in “School of Rock”, and you were super anxious he was going to ruin perhaps the most nostalgic thing to happen to you all year, his performance in “Goosebumps” is to be admired. Bring it up at the table and you’re sure to start the best Thanksgiving debate of all time as everyone talks about their favorite Goosebumps book and discusses their excitement for the return of R.L. Stine.