Rants for the Riff Raff: Li’l 5 Flicks

Rants for the Riff Raff: Li’l 5 Flicks

April 16, 2012 · by wabray · in ,

 

<3 Will
Ahh, Little 5. Classes are coming to an end, the weather is warm, and it is completely socially acceptable to be drunk at 10 in the morning. You’ll need some entertainment, though, so I present to you a day-to-day film guide for this illustrious of weeks.

MONDAY: Grandma’s Boy 

I can't believe you came on my mom...

Dumb, crude, and hilarious. Frivolous things like logic and good taste are thrown out the window from the beginning. A 30-something weed-loving video tester gets kicked out of his house by his landlord (played by Rob Schneider) and is forced to move in with his Grandmother. At one point a stoned chimp drives a car. Lighthearted and silly, it’s a great movie to kick start your week of partying.

TUESDAY: Dazed and Confused

That's what I love about these highschool chicks: I keep gettin' older, they stay the same age.

Written and directed by Richard Linklater, this is a ’70s take on American Graffiti. The story takes place over the course of the last day of school, told from the perspective of different characters. Weed, alcohol, parties, conversations, and self-discovery abound. This movie will get you in the mood for summer, or at least for pretending like it is.

WEDNESDAY: Wet Hot American Summer

You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore.

This film is kind of like Dazed and Confused, if it were written by Bugs Bunny. Both films take place over the course of one day, but while Dazed is nostalgic and concerned with realism, WHAS is goofy and concerned with making you laugh. Featuring a great cast and delightful characters, it will have you smiling the entire time. There is also a scene where Michael Ian Black has sweaty anal sex with Bradley Cooper. Seriously.

THURSDAY: Animal House

The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.

Let me be frank: If you haven’t seen this movie, you really don’t belong in college. It is far more important than any pre-req you will ever take. Someone somewhere this week will throw a toga party, and it is because of this movie. It glorifies debaucherous behavior, just the thing to get you ready for the weekend.

FRIDAY: Harold and Kumar go to White Castle

Did Doogie Houser just steal my f*cking car?

Friday is April 20th, a well known holiday for a certain group of people. In honor of that, watch stoner comedy gold. The title explains it all, two friends try to reach White Castle, but keep getting interrupted by stranger and stranger events. Filled with nudity, crude jokes, and non-sequiters, I first saw this movie when I was 13, and it helps to be in that mindset when watching it again, though it is smarter than it pretends to be. Even though they ride a cheetah.

SATURDAY: Breaking Away

I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.

Despite what this entire post may be telling you, little 500 is all about the bike race. If you don’t believe me, watch this movie. Filmed entirely in Bloomington in the ’70s, it’s a story about figuring out your place in the world told with great acting and great writing. Locations will look familiar, and perhaps the story will too. You have probably heard about it, but too few people have seen it. Go ahead. You’ll like it.

SUNDAY: The Hangover

Whose f*cking baby is that?

I actually don’t like this movie that much. It’s funny, but horrible to humanity. That’s part of its charm, sure, but sometimes it just irks me too much. Either way, it is the perfect movie to watch the Sunday of little 5. No matter how trashed your house is, no matter how little memories you have, you’re in better shape than these three guys. There’s no tiger in your room.

So there it is. Watch the movies, hang out with your friends, have fun, and BE SAFE. I mean that both in terms of health and the police. They love this time of year, so think before you act.

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