The Invisible Student

In college, there exists a mythical student that is so exotic and rare that you only see them around four times a semester. This mythical student is invisible for a variety of reasons. Maybe they wear invisibility cloaks, maybe they drink invisibility potion or maybe they just are invisible. They could just be skipping class, but who does that?  I don’t understand why they are visible during test days but maybe being invisible affects test scores.

The Student Who Answers Everything

This student always seems to answer everything no matter what. They raise their hands so much, that they probably will suffer from their primary arm falling off in the future.  This student epitomizes a Catch-22 situation. Should this student be hated because they are answering every question and most likely think they are the most intelligent person in the room? Or should this student be loved for taking the pressure of answering the professor’s questions off of everyone else? This student is a blessing and a curse; a sinner and a saint.

The What? Student

This student never seems to know what the professor says. They will frequently harass other students (most likely you) with questions about when homework is due or what the professor said last Tuesday. Yes, reading a syllabus or looking at a professor’s announcement on Oncourse could easily solve their problems, but reading can sometimes be too much of a challenge for the What? Student.

The Smug Wanna-Be Professor

Despite their freshman status, the smug wanna-be professor is more intelligent than every single other person in the room. Yes, this includes the professor. This student will frequently cut the professor off when the professor is trying to answer a question (probably yours) and then decide to answer it themselves. This student will also take it upon themselves to laugh smugly when they disagree with what the professor is saying or when another student asks a “stupid” question or gives a “stupid” comment. Despite their superior intelligence, the smug wanna-be professor will find themselves alone and without a job or PhD because no one in the real world cares about their opinions.

The Student Who Is Looking For Love

Classrooms?  E-Harmony? Same thing. Learning is secondary to this students desire to find a suitable mate. They will generally sit by an attractive member of the opposite sex (who they will attempt to sit by all semester) and then attempt to shamelessly flirt with them. If you are targeted by this student, then learning will become very difficult for you because the looker doesn’t have learning on his mind, the looker has love on it.

The Student Who Will Never Talk, Ever.

This student (who usually sits in the back rows) will never say anything the entire semester. This student will not say anything to you, the guy next to you or to the professor. If the silent student had a choice between answering a professor’s question or cancer, they would most likely choose cancer. While this student might not be a bad student, you will never know because they will never talk.

By: Mitchell Potts

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